


Bon Appétit

by guineaDogs



Category: South Park
Genre: Ass Play, Childbirth, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, M/M, Mpreg, Placenta Eating, Post Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-10 00:33:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18927664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guineaDogs/pseuds/guineaDogs
Summary: Stan has Kenny's baby. Read the tags. It's gross. This is gross. Do not read this or take it seriously. It's literally the worst kind of shitpost.





	Bon Appétit

**Author's Note:**

  * For [phattomato](https://archiveofourown.org/users/phattomato/gifts).



> ummmm this is another one of those "joke went too far" things. So. Yeah. Please read the tags.

“Oh,  _ fuck. _ ” Pain seared through his torso, his back, and Stan braced a hand on his lower back, the other resting against the kitchen counter. He knew the breathing exercises were supposed to help, but this pain felt particularly sharp.

Kenny came up behind him, and even though he couldn’t see his face, he could hear the concern, could perfectly imagine his expression. His sharp chin dug into his shoulder as “Baby, what’s wrong? Another contraction?” When Stan nodded mutely, Kenny wrapped his hands around his very swollen torso. Inside his booty womb was their unborn child, made of sugar, spice, everything nice. And of course the House Special Sauce.

“It’s probably just another Braxton Hicks.” At least, Stan hoped so. Their nursery was ready, and as excited as he was to welcome their precious baby into the world, he  _ was _ nervous.

“Aw, Stannie, baby,” Kenny murmured, pressing a kiss to this side of his neck. “Orgasms help uterine cramps, it just stands to reason it would help here, too. Lemme at that bussy.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Kenny held his hand and led him to their bedroom. Stan stripped down and laid on his side; he was just so big, so pregnant, that it wasn’t comfortable to lay any other way. But that was fine with Kenny. He was still able to weasle in between those supple cheeks and go to down on that ass. 

He slathered it up, gobbling up that sweet, sweet ass. But then he found himself licking up something quite wet, but Kenny was a nasty boy and it just encouraged him more.

“Mm, baby, I think my water broke,” Stan whined, rocking back against Kenny’s face. He refused to think about how weird it was that this happened while he was moments away from shooting jizz all over their comforter. 

But that was exactly what happened.

“Aw, Stan. You shoulda shot into a cup so I coulda made that special alfredo sauce for you.” 

Stan rubbed at his face. “I can’t even think about food right— _ oh god. _ ” Pain seared through him again. “We gotta talk about this later, our baby is coming.” And sure enough, their baby popped out like a jakovasaur. Fortunately, those years of playing sarcastaball paid off, and Kenny caught their baby midair. As the baby cried, he carried it back over to Stan to let him hold the newborn. 

“Don’t forget about the placenta,” Stan said, quietly, exhausted after everything he endured. Both he and Kenny believed in holistic practices and the spirituality of home births. So of course they had plans to honor the new baby in their lives.

“I’d never forget, honey.” The agreement was to use it to brew a tea. But instead, Kenny decided to vore it raw. He stuffed the placenta into his mouth, chowing down. Blood and gunk got all over his face, and the magical moment was kind of ruined.

Stan choked back the urge to vomit, and he honestly couldn’t tell if it was because he loved Kenny so much, or if this sight were a lot more disgusting than he thought it would’ve been. “Oh god, Kenny, this is too gross.”

“But Stan… think about how Kyle’s expression when we tell him about this.” That was a valid point, and it made him chuckle through his nausea. 

But then, abruptly, Kenny died. 

“Oh my god, my placenta killed Kenny!” Stan couldn’t help but sob. He didn’t realize that he’d lost his lover so many times through the course of his life. 

“You bastard.” The baby shouldn’t have been able to speak. Perhaps it didn’t. Perhaps it was some weird Renesmee telepathy bullshit. Either way, it was exactly what Stan needed to hear until he forgot that Kenny died.

When Kenny returned, in a brand new body which meant he was technically younger than his kid, Stan had forgotten all about the heartache he’d felt watching Kenny die. “I don’t know how many times I’ll keep coming back to life,” Kenny told him. “My mom is getting old.”

“El-oh-el, what?” Stan was so confused. Kenny was used to it.

“Nevermind, let me hold our babbeh.”


End file.
